By: Tonya Foust Mead

Too often teachers complain that a child is not participating in class, is a slow learner, lacks interest, is inattentive, or is disengaged. Comments such as these serve as lead-ins to ‘he is disruptive in class,’ or ‘she is too talkative to friends,’ the list goes on.

As a concerned parent, one might such teacher feedback particularly alarming. Thoughts of learning disabilities, potential ADD/ADHD diagnosis, Section 504 or IEP special education hearings follow.

Why not take a breath? This is not to minimize your worries,  trivialize the teacher’s concerns nor to negate the expert opinion of medical professionals such as school-based psychologists or guidance counselors. However, the purpose of this article is to present this dilemma from a different perspective.

Parents are the Primary Learning Source
Parents are the primary source of social learning for their kids. Modeling appropriate behavior is goal number one. Perhaps a close second is to provide learning opportunities in the home and during recreation to supplement the material taught at school. For instance, opportunities to help your child uncover the joys of learning outside school grounds are plentiful.

Morning Prep. Color coordination, scheduling, organization of class materials, homework assignments, and chore completion represent just a few of the learning concepts applicable to everyday life. An item ripe for review and discussion is the way in which a delay in timing of a separate and individual act may cause the eventual delay in a string of connected events. Glenn and Nelson (1988) point to these systemic skills as one of the seven significant skills leading to youth resiliency.

Meal Time.  The food pyramid, the importance of eating a nutritious meal, the five food colors, explanations of daily values (2,000 calories intake per day) are all valuable lessons to be learned and re-learned by our somewhat overweight population. Pointing to the games on the back of cereal cartons and applying geometric concepts to pieces of pie, pizza, portions of Hershey candy bars are creative activities everyone may enjoy.

While in the restaurant, take more than a cursory glance at the child’s menu. Help your child to color, finish the maze, play tic tac toe, and find the words. Take turns reading the menu. Ask your child to read aloud his selection. Decode, translate the Spanish, Italian and French dishes into English.

Drive to School.  Taxing your child to and from activities and school represent a time to discuss navigation skills.  Did mom turn right or left? How many stop lights did we cross? To review number codes and patterns, ask your child to identify the recite the last 3 digits of the license plate of the car directly ahead? Is the driver from the same state? Discuss survival skills, if we become stranded, would you be able to find your way home?

Education as Entertainment. Let your child routinely observe you reading the daily news, magazines and the newspaper. Take him aside, pick an article and read sentences together. If there is a front page story in the news about military drone planes and you know that your child has an interest in military science, share the news with him. Read the news article together.

Shopping. Ask your child to help you decipher receipts, interpret sale and promotion prices, calculate savings earned or determine the price per ounce of  his favorite jar of peanut butter or jelly. In so doing, you’ll help him see the relevance to learning and how it is applicable to smooth functioning in everyday life. You will also boost his confidence in his learning and sharing abilities, making it far easier for him to speak up in a classroom setting.

Parent-Teacher Relations
Refrain from discussing negative teacher feedback in from of the kids. Stress, anger, and frustration may be express in verbal and nonverbal ways. Kids pick up on cues and have a ready antenna to sense these signals. Signals, that may negatively impact their perception of school, cap and place limits to their abilities and de-legitimize the learning process in all together.

If anything, let your child observe you and her teacher during a joint problem solving session. Help her to realize that problems are surmountable it approached one step at a time. Further, instill within your child that the problem currently presented is separate from the person and separate from the setting. Help him to understand that this current situation is not generalizable across settings or particular to a certain environment; rather it is a happening at this moment in time. Gross generalizations lead to external locus of control, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness; in essence youth and adults who fail to self actualize. Like time, it is transient, in flux and constantly changing. 

Unfortunately, such experiences drive parents to ‘turn off’ to school activities, parent-teacher organizations and conferences. They take their child’s experience to heart and make it their own. They may choose to lead the parent rebel rouses, gossip and complain incessantly to school administrators and anyone else who will listen (the school board and editorial board of the local newspaper).  This subversive activity, while personally gratifying is not recommended. Our kids emulate our behavior in the best of times. When we are at our worst, you can bet that our indiscretions will be imitated also. Kids too will internalize negative feedback and begin to act out in predictable ways. In essence, she will become what is expected of her. In this case, she too will ‘turn off’ to school. Learning will become a chore, a bore, a hassle. He may choose to deal with this temporary setback much like his parents, by rebelling against school in general, band with the childhood bullies and find his identity and seek validation in all the wrong places.

Homework
Parents must become actively engaged in homework assignments. This is particularly true for parents of children with school issues. We must find creative ways to explain critical concepts and theories.

Yes, homework is demanding. But frequently overwhelmed teachers (30 to 40 students per class is not uncommon), an influx of incoming non-native English language learners, and a reliance upon full inclusion models prove daunting for inexperienced and veteran teachers alike. Therefore little time is spent teaching the background, the rudimentary and the fundamentals. Classic Latin prefixes and suffices of  root words, multiplication tables, grammatical rules of the English language serve as structure and frame the learning experience from which added content will fill with time. Further, most kids blossom with one-on-one instruction and attention; who better to offer this than the parent?

Accentuate and Build Upon Your Child’s Strengths
A plethora of psychological assessments and testing instruments are bountiful in the attempt to learn more about your child. Quite frankly, these assessments serve to uncover information in which the parent already knows.

You are the expert in your child’s behavior, learning style and interests. We must be mindful though that the cognizant of the fact that the mind of a child is in constant development. What we knew about our child 3 months ago or even yesterday may not be absolute today. We must communicate with our children constantly and continuously, in many mediums.

Does your child learn better by doing? Does he respond more rapidly to visual aids or auditory sound? Is he more apt to be motivated by positive reinforcement or negative conditioning? Does she like to learn new concepts alone or in the company of others? Does she prefer to play with dominant or passive playmates? Is she leaning toward an introverted nature or extroversion?

Invest more time in learning about the unique nature of your child. Is she drawn toward military models, Dora exploratory pursuits, Harry Porter mysteries or engineering concepts of Lego toys? Find out and build conversations and new experiences around her interests. You might incorporate his interests into the learning act and the learning environment. Yes, school.

Conclusion
Now, we have come full circle. In the event that it is necessary to seek the resources of a mental health professional, reading, speech or learning specialist; you are better equipped to offer an expert’s perspective and valuable anecdotal information. Information that may ultimately lead to a comprehensive intervention plan that will fully activate your child’s learning capabilities.

Dr. Mead, PhD, MBA, MA http://www.ishareknowledge.com/ is a consultant specializing in human behavior, school and social psychology. She can be contacted at: tonya@ishareknowledge.com