By: Tonya Foust Mead

In modern times, to paraphrase Glenn and Nelson (1988), there are four critical factors involved when raising self reliant children.

1. Solid networks versus poor access to support groups.
2. Meaningful contribution to society versus boredom rising from irrelevancy.
3. Hands-on-involvement through active living versus over-indulgence in passive television, video watching and game playing.
4. Abundant nuclear and extended family resources versus sole source parenting.

Glenn and Nelson argued at the time that children lacking in the ‘significant seven’ perceptions and skills heavily populated the criminal justice, human services and social welfare systems. The magnificent seven were perceptions of (a) personal capabilities, (b) personal significance, (c) personal power over one’s life and the possession of (d) interpersonal, (e) intra-personal, (f) systemic (understanding cause and effect) and (g) judgmental skills.

 As parents, how do we incorporate these late 1980s concepts into our fast-paced lives today? Particularly in the wake of the following scandals:

 Teen-related Celebrity Scandals

• Vice presidential candidate, Sarah Palin’s future in-law arrest for felony drug charges,
• Miss Teen USA, 2006, Tara Conner’s under-age binge drinking and cocaine use, and
• Celebrity, Britney Spears’ meltdown and numerous (49) scandals in 2008 alone
• Budding celebrity, Jamie Lynn Spears’ teen pregnancy, and the surfacing of
• High School Musical celebrity, Vanessa Hudgens’ nude   photos.

 
Adults, during this tumultuous 2008 year, did not escape unscathed. Political and corporate scandals abound.

 
Political and Corporate Scandals

In the wake of the Blagojevich scandal, whereby the President-elect’s  Senate seat appeared to be up for grabs to the highest bidder, other scandals which bring the moral integrity of our political leaders come to mind.  The foibles of  Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer, former Florida Congressman Mark Foley and retiring Idaho Senator Larry Craig come to mind, to name a few.

In the corporate area, the story of Bernard Madoff’s $50 billion Ponzi scheme operated through his New York investment firm, caps off years of scandalous reports from Enron, Tyco International, Adelphia, Peregrine Systems, and World Com. The moral faults of corporate leaders continue to cost investors billions and shake our confidence.

Who can we trust? To whom might entrust this country? Is there a modern day standard bearer to lead the common man? How might we guide our children if our own leaders appear rudderless at the helm? Perhaps if we turn back in history, much later than the 1980s to ancient times—the ancient warrior may be of assistance. In fact, Fred Dallmayr in his book,  In  Search of the Good Life,  argues that in an era of global violence, political corruption, and economic inequalities, the world’s great thinkers strive to lead an ethically ‘good life’ and hold this objective as the highest purpose of human existence. How then, shall we translate this highest ideal to actionable goals for our kids? Perhaps coding this belief into some sort of ancient warrior code may help.

 
Ancient Warrior Code

According to Shannon French, author, The Code of the Warrior: Exploring Warrior Values Past and Present, the essential element of a warrior’s code is to set definite limits on what warriors can and can not do. Definite limits require clarity and transparency. In this sense, warriors value honor, integrity, justice and a sense of what is right and wrong. To the ancient warrior, the discernment between right and wrong is like night and day. Clear, obvious, unquestionable. To them, there are no rationalizations, no gray areas, no “that depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is “(Bill Clinton). The ancient warrior code demands that if something is not right, then it is not to be done; regardless of the means or the motive.

A man of strong character determines what is right and wrong by his strict code of ethics taught to him and his family through the ages; not classroom expectations, arbitrary laws, or vague regulations. In this vein, parents must strive daily to instill values of moral character, courage and honesty to their kids.  We may begin by teaching them to discern between right and wrong.

Warriors of Light

Paulo Coelho, in his book, Manual of the Warrior of Light made this observation:

 “Sometimes the warrior feels as if he were living two lives at once. In one of them he is obliged to do all the things he does not want to do and fight for ideas in which he does not believe. But there is another life, and he discovers it in his dreams, in his reading and in his encounters with people who share his ideas.

 The warrior allows his two lives to draw near. ‘There is a bridge that links what I do with what I would like to do,’ he thinks. Slowly, his dream  take over his everyday life, and then he realizes that he is ready for the thing he always wanted. Then all that is needed is a little daring, and his two lives become one.” page 181.

 
The personality theorist, Karen Horney postulated that the closer one’s real self is to one’s ideal self, the more pleasurable and peaceful your life will be. It is never to soon to ingrain this message into our kid’s psyche.  Ancient warriors it appears have tended to carry out actions that bring them closer to their higher ideals; whereas the unscrupulous tend to capitalize on weak and the poor.

As active parents, we must impart upon our kids that they may have opposing thoughts; those urging them to do something wrong or hurtful to others and those imploring him to do something right.  In most cases, the body (our involuntary parasympathetic system) works to slow our heart rate and reduce sweating serves to inform us when we are making the right choices. We feel more relaxed, at ease and less pressured; physically and mentally. On the other hand, our sympathetic system, when we select a choice incongruent to what we have been taught by our parents will increase our heart rate, make our pupils dilate and causes sweaty palms.  What better way to help our kids learn to make the right choice than to direct them to observe their bodily reactions; and to follow their heart?

 
The Company of Good Friends

For the past fifty years, there has been this myth that warriors are ‘lone wolves.’ Throughout pop western culture, American icons: John Wayne, Rambo, Clint Eastwood, have symbolized the ideal warrior.  These warriors exercise independence of mind, thought and action. Often, they are presented as strong, devoid of emotions, and ruthless. The recurring red-herring among the widely accepted stories of these cultural icons is the overwhelming feeling of aloneness, detachment from family and the glaring absence of friends.  Warriors of light, however, appear to revel in the company of good-natured friends. They have cultivated strong social skills  and maintain a wide circle of friends. Coelho starts this philosophical thought with the quotation from John Donne as it appears in Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII,  and continues in his own words.

 “No man is an island. He can not fight alone; whatever his plan, he depends on other people. He needs to discuss his strategy, to ask for help, and in moments of relaxation- to have someone with whom he can sit by the fire, someone he can regale with tales of the battle… A warrior of light dances with his companions, but does not place the responsibility for his actions on anyone else.” page 103.

When making choices in the absence of parental guidance; during school, after school, and on the playground, a child with strong moral character may have the need to rely upon the advice and urgings of his closest friends.  As parents we must work to help our child build the social skills required to obtain and cultivate friendships that will last a lifetime. Prior to taking part in a whimsical act, how many young adults have been spared public humiliation and punishment because a colleague stepped in with a timely intervention? Youth proves no different.   Parents aren't always around 24/7 to guide their kids most trivial and life-threatening decisions. A friend working as an instrument of a child's guardian angel could have awakened the sensibilities of Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, and Seung Hui Cho and directed them away from their violent intentions.

Guardian Angels

Warriors of light are taught at an early age that they are fallible. They don’t see themselves as blameless, nor do they carry themselves with an air of excessive high self esteem. Theologians report that there are roughly 300 references to angels in the Bible. Generally, they are represented as spiritual beings that intermediate between God and men. The word angel, in Latin angelus,  Greek aggelos  or in Hebrew means divine or human messenger.  Many believe that each child has an assigned ‘guardian angel.

‘Take heed that you despise not the little ones; for I say to you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. (Matthew 18:10).

Although there is a concerted effort to maintain the separation of church and state in American society today, there is nothing in the world strong enough to stop a concerned Christian parent  (or practitioner of other major world religions) from teaching his child about  angels, God, Jesus Christ, or the Buddha.  Coelho, in his writings states that warriors of light are led by angels.

 “A warrior knows that an angel and a devil are both competing for his sword hand. The devil says: ‘You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid. ‘ the angel says: ‘You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid.’

 The warrior is surprised. Both angel and devil have said the same thing. Then the devil goes on: ‘Let me help you.’ And the angel says: ‘I will help you.’ At that moment, the warrior understands the difference. The words may be the same, but these two allies are completely different. And he chooses the angel’s hand.” page 123.

Warriors of light and those of strong moral character are led by the purest of intention. An intention based upon love, faith and hope. Void of personal ego, selfish will, and revenge; Thy will it seems, is the fuel that drives the warrior of light’s personal engine to reach his divine destiny.

 Church-attendance and Meditation

How does the warrior of light know his rightful purpose? His destiny? According to Coelho,

 
‘The warrior of light meditates. He sits in a quiet place in his tent and surrenders himself to the divine light…. While he mediates, the warrior is not himself, but a spark from the Soul of the World. These are the moments that give him an understanding of his responsibilities and of how he should behave accordingly. A warrior of light knows that in the silence of his heart he will hear an order that will guide him.” page 55.

Coelho indicates that through nature walks, respect of the small, and daily meditations, if undertaken religiously, the Truth of one’s existence will be revealed.  The creed of the warrior of light then is to harm no one unnecessarily, to refrain from fighting those who are not worthy of battle and to be sure that your intentions are indeed guided by The One. Parents who model religious practices such as attending church, meditation, reading the Bible, and quiet contemplation present to their children a steady option. One in which patience is revered and instant self gratification is non-existent.

Open Heart

Popular images of warriors depict savages driven by hatred and unfettered greed. Through the ages it has been believed that warriors are strong, mighty, respected and feared among one’s enemies and competitors.  It is assumed that they, therefore, possess hardened hearts, empty souls and constant thoughts of me, me, meeeeeeee.    In today’s times, adolescents may have been taught inadvertently through popular culture,  the Columbine tragedy, and the Virginia Tech massacre to secretly loathe popular kids, to harbor animosity and to covertly plot revenge against real or imagined enemies. Instead, according to Coelho,

“The warrior of light always keeps his heart free of any feelings of hatred. When he goes into battle he remembers what Christ said:’ Love your enemies.’ But he knows that the act of forgiveness does not mean that he must accept everything; a warrior can not bow his head, for if he did he would lose sight of the horizon of his dreams. He accepts that his opponents are there to test his valor, his persistence, his ability to make decisions. They force him to fight for his dreams. It is the experience of battle that strengthens the warrior of light.” p. 87

As keepers of the light, warriors and all of God’s children are born into this world with a spark of light. With each passing day, month and year, one evolves. Our spark flickers into a small and then larger flame through prayer, meditation and connection to the One. Others, may dampen their sparks with harmful thoughts, acts against oneself,  and acts against others. We’re also told that hatred, greed and fear, are negative energy forces that thrives upon and eats away one’s positive and negative traits; weakening the body’s defenses, immune system and discolors one's ability to think with rational objectivity. We turn to Coelho again for clarification,

 “Accumulating love brings luck, accumulating hatred brings calamity. Anyone who fails  to recognize problems leaves the door open for tragedies to rush in.” page 53.

As active parents, we must work tirelessly  to help our children cleanse their spiritual body daily. We must weed out, destroy and supplant his/her  negative thoughts with ones of positive encouragement. We must continuously bathe their bodies, mind and soul, much like when they were mere babes in bath water with the healing light of God.

Conclusion

And finally, when the our little warriors of light are met with temporary defeat, we will comfort them with this,

 “The warrior of light unwittingly takes a false step and plunges into the abyss. Ghosts frighten him and solitude torments him. His aim had been to fight the Good Fight, and he never imagined that this would happen to him, but it did. Shrouded in darkness, he makes contact with his master. ‘Master, I have fallen into the abyss,’ he says. ‘The waters are deep and dark.’ ‘Remember one thing, ‘ replies his master. ‘You do not drown simply by plunging in to the water, you only drown if you stay beneath the surface.’ And the warrior uses all his strength to escape from his predicament.” page 129.

So too, there is hope then for the likes of those who have succumbed and spurred celebrity, political and corporate scandals such as Spears,  Blagojevich and Madoff. We will always instruct our kids to get up, dust yourself off , try again and aim once more  to respect the true code of the warrior of light; value honor, integrity, justice and a sense of what is right and wrong.

See Other Articles Emphasizing the Development of Moral Character in Children
http://ishareknowledge.com/2009/02/28/recommended-movies-for-emphasizing-strong-moral-character-in-your-children.aspx

Dr. Mead, PhD, MBA, MA http://www.ishareknowldge.com/ is a consultant specializing in human behavior, school and social psychology. She can be contacted at: tonya@ishareknowledge.com. She invites you to visit her marriage advice column, appearing three times weekly at: http://www.examiner.com/x-4793-DC-Marriage-Advice-Examiner.

Web Resources

Fred Dallmayr's Website  http://freddallmayr.com/

Shannon French presents a three part essay as a comment and further discussion point for her book , "The Code of the Warrior: Exploring Warrior Values Past and Present." http://www.chivalrytoday.com/Essays/French/Warrior-Code-1.html

Obtain the latest news and the most recent updates about, "The Shock Doctrine," directly from the author.
http://www.naomiklein.org/shock-doctrine

P.W. Singer's Website http://www.pwsinger.com/books_corporate.html