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How to avoid present and gift receiving envy within your family of rivaling children

2011-03-06T03:38:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

Ok admit it. If you were raised in a family with multiple siblings, there have been times when you envied the gifts received by your brother or sister, right? For birthday, graduation or Christmas; one teen gets the Camel hair sports jacket; the other ; a wool, polyester blend. Or one young adult, for a wedding gift, he receives a conservative, stately Toyota Camry. That same year, another in the same family, drives home a sexy, though slightly used BMW.

Gift-selection for our kids, it is tricky. As parents, we never know, ‘What is the right thing to buy?’ We wonder, ‘Will our gestures of love be well received by our kids, are our underlying thoughts appreciated? ‘ Or, will our kids feign satisfaction and in turn, relegate those gifts to the bottom of the closet, or stuff in a box, to lie in wait for the spring arrival of the Salvation Army truck? If we are lucky, yes. If we aren’t; the simple act of gift-giving could have lasting detrimental consequences.

But, getting back to the point
This article is, in part, about envy. Envy occurs when an individual lacks what another has and either desires [the gift] or wishes that the other did not have it (Salovey, 1991). To take it one step further, how are our gifts judged by the recipients? If gifts are given to our children, without regard to equitable price and market value ranges, how do we discuss our decisions to our kids? Or, should we try? Do we explain our rationale for gifting the conservative, virtually repair-free Camry to the impulsive, hard driving teen, bent upon self-destruction before the age of twenty? And reason that the BMW was gifted to the shy, overly cautious one in an attempt to break him/her out of her shell?

These conversations we need to have. And it is never too soon or too late. Why? If we don’t, our children may begin to question their place in their own world, ours and the cosmos in general. Particularly during the ages of 12-18, children are experiencing the developmental stage whereby they have a heightened sensitivity to others’ evaluation of them (Bretherton, 1986). It is the critical period, too when our kids begin to develop a ‘justice’ orientation. They will be quicker to point out inconsistencies between adults’ words, their actions and how punishment and rewards were exacted differently, in similar situations, at varying times with different kids (siblings).

So the next time you rush to the check-out counter smiling to yourself that you’ve really got a good deal, think again before you buy. Place yourself in the shoes of your son or daughter; visualize exactly what you’ll say to them when they open the present. If you can’t explain your rationale for gifting that item in seven words or less, it isn’t such a good deal after-all.

Literary Resources
Bretherton, I. & Fritz, J. ‘Learning to Talk about Emotions: A Functionalist Perspective, Child Development 57, (1986): 529-48.
Salovey, P. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy (1991), Guilford Press, New York New York, 293 pp.

How to prevent teen suicide in your family

2011-03-06T03:27:00Z

Life is short. Too short for many of our youth. This article, then, is a tribute to Jessica Fashano and a wake up call to parents of children at high risk for attempting suicide. The third leading cause of death for adolescent and young adults between the ages of ten to twenty-four years is suicide. Do it Now Foundation theorizes that there are three main groups of young adults who try to kill themselves.

(1) Well adjusted, but coping with a stressful environmental crisis that could trigger a suicide attempt. Possible triggers: parents’ divorce, separation, death of a friend or close family member, new school, school failure, relationship break-up, or other major loss/
(2) Depressed or anxious. Young adults who feel stressed out, burnt out, or emotionally down have a higher risk of suicide. The risk climbs substantially when the individual has emotional problems, abuses drugs or uses substances to self medicate, or have experienced interpersonal loss.
(3) Impulsive, aggressive, or self-destructive. This is the highest risk group and are comprised of adolescents and young adults who have run away from home, are drug and alcohol abusers. As attempts by teens to take one’s own life is an impulsive act, suicide is highly associated with impulsivity in kids.

Parents, what you can do to prevent suicide in your family
(1) Maintain a stable environment within the home. Chaos, confusion do much to exacerbate feelings of self doubt, concern about one’s future and family.
(2) Live in the present moment. The presence of a calm, accepting parent does much to ameliorate a child’s negative and depressed mood.
(3) Stop the busyness. Incessant chatter, shuttling to soccer, basketball or cheerleading practice, worried discussions about work and the economy, unnecessary trips to the mall add to the sense of disconnection and disassociation with one’s parent.
(4) Refrain from minimizing your child’s problems or comparing them to one’s own.
(5) Love your children for who they are. To apply pressure to an open and/or closed wound lessens the chance of the rupture rapidly healing. The same with a perceived deficit, peculiarity or quirk. With acceptance, a little time and a lot of love, those minor quirks become eccentricities that add to your child’s character.
(6) Routinely call your child (if no longer living in the home) or schedule regular ‘check ins,’ to determine how your child’s day is progressing.
(7) Return to formal written letters, postal cards, holiday notes for sending send well-wishes and pictures. When away from home, young adults maintain ‘treasure or hope chests’, keepsake boxes and albums filled with family mementos and refer to them when lonely.
(8) Forgive. If your child disappoints you occasionally, or often, think to yourself, ‘Will this matter five years from now?’ If not, forget it and move on.
(9) Refrain from using your child as your best friend, therapist or confidant. Children have enough problems to bear and can not withstand shouldering the problems of others.
(10) Say I love you.

With so much focus on our jobs, career and socio-economic advancement; we fail to realize and live the mantra that ‘parenthood is the most important job we will ever have.’ Carpe diem.

Web Resources
Suicide statistics
NAHIC

Blended families: why the distinction between step, adopted, in vitro fertilized, foster children?

2011-03-06T03:19:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

Have you heard the latest news about John Travolta and Kelly Preston? Celebrity gossipers are wondering aloud who donated the egg. Does it matter? Or that Madonna is the single parent of five adopted children, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have a blended family of seven children. Or that Bruce Jenner is the step parent to the Kardashian girls?

How prevalent is this trend?
Every day, there are about 1,300 new blended families formed (U.S. Census, 2007). Additionally, about 65% of all remarriages in the United States involve children from one or both of the previous relationships. And to expand matters, the blended family may also include children of the current relationship. The traditional family composition has metamorphized to include single parent households (divorced, widowed, or unmarried); persons in heterosexual cohabitation (with or without children); and same-sex unions (with or without children).

Still why is it such a big deal?
Richard Kait, writing for the April 2010 edition of Life Insurance Selling theorizes that blended families and other non-traditional households ‘outnumber traditional families’. Another source, the National Step-family Resource Center forecasts that at least one in three kids will live in a blended family before the age of 18.
According to Charles Zastrow, author of Introduction to Social Work and Social Welfare: Empowering People, , reconstituted families are ‘burdened by much more baggage than two childless adults marrying for the first time’. For instance, parents must deal with the loss of a partner (due to divorce or death). Often, such unforeseen separations lead to fears of establishing new relationships. Additionally, Zastrow argues that the child and parent must find ways to resolve the latent feelings held for the departing parent. To make matters worse, children are often used as pawns by couples who continue to argue about the demise of the marriage. When parents spend much time in conflict with their ex-spouses, less energy (emotional, mental and physical) is available to nurture the new relationship. Such conflict threatens to weaken the fragile bond still in its infancy. There are more examples of stressors, however,

This isn’t an article about the stressors, is it?
No. The purpose of this article is to help bystanders, intimate friends and extended family members understand the conflict inherent in blended family relationships. The last thing we need to do, if we truly care for our loved ones, is to refrain from gossip, exhibitions of favoritism and digging up old dirt. These families may represent love at its greatest. People who have been hurt, or who have hurt others and are giving love another go at it. This holiday season, act as an angel. I am reminded of this anonymous quote, ´Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Literary Resources
Kait, Richard, (2010) Planning ideas for blended families using life insurance: the marketplace is huge and "gap planning" opportunities for blended families in 2010 are exciting. Life Insurance Selling.

Zastrow, Charles. (2010). Introduction to Social Work and Social Welfare: Empowering People, 10th ed. (pp 33-35).Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole Cengage Learning International.

The popular media and its impact on your family

2011-03-06T03:15:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

Have you explained to your kids the meaning of Christmas? What about Santa Clause or Saint Nick? Well, to be honest, I haven’t. And, Father Time did not wait for me to get my act together. My son cried last night while I tucked him in. It looks like the Gosselin situation spread from Pennsylvania to Virginia in real time. Upon reflection, this incident reminds me of the time my six year old niece in describing mating to my eight year old son, beat me to the punch.

Researchers point to definitive studies to claim that the media impacts family values and changes our view of family structure and communication. Albada (2000) found that real-life family expectations, values and relationships are affected by fictional and/or real life televised portrayals of family interactions. Further, she argued that participants in her study reported that television was ‘capable of influencing their beliefs about what exists, what is normal, what is right, and how they should behave in families.

As this report was published in 2000 before the manic popularization of reality tv, it would be interesting to know how all of this presently plays out. One thing is clear, we can no longer operate in a vacuum, be overly protective in an attempt to shelter our kids from harm and/or the truth. In speaking the truth, perhaps that is the best protection of all. For me though, I still want to believe in the miraculous, to have faith in that which is bigger, grander than I. Am I wrong for wanting my son to do desire the same?

Literary Resources
Albada, K. F. (2000). The public and private dialogue about the American family on television. Journal of Communication, 50, 79-110.

How to control your anger when dealing with children and grandparents

2011-03-06T03:12:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

In the alleged action of throwing her granddaughter off a parking garage walkway, a Fairfax County woman has taken the holiday shopping experience to a whole new level. See the entire article here.
In the Psychology of Anger (2010) a psychologist has argued that aggressive impulses are necessary. They provide us with the energy and drive we need to stay competitive. The rationalization is that without inner aggression, we ‘will [would] never achieve anything in life.’ (Roy, 2010) Whether we agree or disagree with that statement is not the point. The purpose of this article is find ways to help control angry outbursts which may lead (if uncontrolled) to death and violence.

Patterns that lead to Anger

Identify events, situations, and people that trigger your anger. If it is the two year old granddaughter of whom you babysit, refrain from babysitting and/or remove yourself from the situation.
Take a look at your surroundings when you feel your blood boiling. Is it crowded, loud, noisy? Find a more relaxing environment or ‘calm’ space within the chaos and confusion.
What were you actually doing when your anger attack took hold? Were you physically exerting yourself, climbing a flight of ten stairs, combating the 5:00pm rush hour traffic, or multi-tasking? If so, resolve to find ways to minimize the activity causing you stress.
Now that you have analyzed the events, surroundings and action- the hardest part to deciphering your anger code is to reach around, beyond the emotions and deep within to uncover the actual problem.
Visualize a stop sign. Do not make another move until you have stopped to think about what is making you so angry. Do you feel helpless, hurt? Are you afraid, overwhelmed, under-appreciated?
When you feel that you are falling into a self-defeatist, destructionist mode, take a deep breath, count to ten, then reverse the count by counting backwards. Remember once you commit to changing the patterns that lead to angry outbursts, you can modify your reaction.

Mothers: How to protect your family from Swine Flu

2011-03-06T03:05:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

Stress the importance of frequent handwashing to your family members
Inspect hands of occupants upon arrival and before leaving home
Institute the 20 second hand wash rule (hum A-B-C song, Lala, These Boots are Made for Walking)
Wipe down school backpack, lunch box, briefcase, thermos with alcohol based solution
Wipe down transported pencils, pens, MP3, WiiFii, D3 players, Blackberry with alcohol based solution
Place handi-wipes and/or alcohol based anti-bacterial cream in a ‘to go bag’ or place in the car
Consider forgoing transportation via subway- car pool or drive alone
Wipe down door knobs (car, home, office) and handle bars and other toys with cleaning solution
Instruct family members to refrain from touching others and placing their hands on their eyes, mouth or nose
Remind family members to cover mouth when sneezing or coughing
Steer clear of day-care facilities with less than stellar hygienic records
Refrain from eating in restaurants, playing at entertainment facilities, or visiting public theaters until Swine epidemic passes
Remind children and husband to wipe down desk, chair, telephone, computer equipment and supplies with alcohol based cleaner
Disinfect kitchen, bathroom counters before and after preparing food

Recommended Movies for Emphasizing Strong Moral Character in Your Children

2009-02-28T23:52:00Z

There are hundreds of PG movies offered for entertainment. This article proposes to conduct a character analysis and an assessment of the main plot story lines of popular movies as it relates to the psychological, emotional growth and development of children. It is anticipated that parents may use these movies as tools to foster strong moral character, reasoning skills, honesty and integrity in the midst of a chaotic world where seemingly-- anything goes. It will be updated periodically. Please enjoy.

The Gods Must be Crazy Movie Review
By: Tonya Foust Mead

The Gods Must be Crazy is an excellent movie to view with your children aged 8-12. If you think that you or your family are a little too ‘high brow’ to enjoy and learn from the philosophical journey of an African Bushman, Xixo, portrayed by the real life Bushman, N!xau, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

The main plot of the story revolves around a discarded Coke bottle, thrown from a pilot’s window of an airplane. It falls from the sky. Xixo, finds this object, thinks it is a blessing, and shares it with his tribe. In time, the Coke bottle becomes the center and cause for feelings unrealized in the rural, untarnished environment: covetousness, greed, jealously, anger, and hatred. What had been a peaceful heavenly existence, where everyone’s needs are met (food, clothing, shelter) based upon cooperative learning, sharing of responsibility, resources and love becomes a living hell. In the eyes of Xixo, to restore peace, he must take the cursed object back to the Gods.

Along his journey, he meets Andrew Steyn, played by Marius Weyers, a good-hearted and honest zoological researcher and Kate Thompson, portrayed by Sandra Prinsloo. Their romantic sub-plot adds a light-hearted twist to the movie. Look for several scenes in which Steyn attempts to win Thompson’s heart but is thwarted by his clumsiness or mocked by the buff, jock tour guide, Jack Hind, played by Nic de Jager.

Two minor turning points in the movie serve to provoke thoughts that center around truth, justice and intention. In one instance, some guerrillas pilferage shops in a small town and take school children as hostages. Another occurs when Xixo stuns a farm animal with a native herb so that he could obtain food. In the eyes of civilized law, this is an unlawful act and as such, Xixo is arrested, tried and found guilty, and jailed.

In addition to providing a backdrop for discussing moral issues such as materialism, dishonesty, criminality, and the prejudgment of the poor, The Gods Must be Crazy is a great resource for helping kids conceptualize operational thought. From ages 7 to 11, kids understand the importance of following rules and regulations according to Piaget. Additionally, from a moral reasoning perspective, kids from 10-13 years begin to value conformity and social approval. Kohlberg, the developer of the Theory of Moral Reasoning postulated that it is at this age that children begin to recognize that doing one’s duty to maintain social order is a natural part of life and a necessity for civilized living. In so doing, humanity may realize that heaven could be achieved here on earth, right now.

The Empire Strikes Back

The Empire Strikes Back represents a classic 80s movie as it helps the viewer to reflect upon the ways in which every day decisions impact the direction of one's life for years and those of future generations. It also helps the viewer to understand that while it may be possible to temporarily escape one’s true destiny; fate ultimately has the last word. So, the best thing to do is to study, train and prepare oneself to the best of one’s ability.

The lead character, Luke Skywalker, played by Mark Hamill expresses a depth of feelings and range of internal conflict unrealized in the first Star Wars film. While learning to master the martial arts of the Jedi from his mentor, Yoda; Luke begins to grasp the philosophical underpinnings of Good and Evil. He slowly recognizes that he has a unique destiny to fulfill; to confront Darth Vader, the protector of the evil Empire.

The problem? He is not sure that he possesses the physical strength, internal fortitude and willpower to save the galaxy. His innate strength is frayed by self doubt and low self confidence. Throughout the film, we see Yoda beaconing Luke to rely upon his strength from within. Han Solo, Luke's trusted warrior friend, played by Harrison Ford is not as defiant in the Empire Strikes Back as he portrayed in the first movie. He presents a softer side, even openly expressing his love for Princess Leia, played by Carrie Fisher. The newcomer in this series, Lando Calrissian, played by Billy Dee Williams, offers a chance for African American viewers to see a suave, strong, sexy Black man play a leading role in a fantasy, action, science fiction film.

The character studies presented within this flick are deep, interwoven and worthy of further analysis. It appears as though Luke Skywalker, Hans Solo, Princess Leia, Dark Vader and the Yoda all have internal conflicts. They too, seek to evolve. The challenges presented in the movie: relational conflicts with close friends, aerial battles against the enemy, and inner discord and incongruent ideals with the self represent excellent props by which the viewer may find applicable in one’s own life.

The Return of the Jedi

The Return of the Jedi represents a classic 80s movie as it serves as a vehicle to push the viewer toward greater self knowledge and self acceptance. In this film, the main character, Luke Skywalker, played by Mark Hamill learns more about himself than in the other Star Wars movies. Additionally, the viewer gets the sense that he is more at ease with his family history, siblings, and origins. He is wiser, more self confident (dressed in black), and less questioning of his purpose than before. In essence, he has matured.

The movie urges one to get comfortable with ‘the skin you are in’ by (1) acknowledging one’s family history, (2) returning to the physical abode where one’s life began, (3) searching for the core of one’s destiny, (4) coming to terms with the moral failings and challenges of one’s parent, (5) releasing the strings of dependency upon a mentor, (6) gaining independence and self reliance, and (7) believing in the ultimate goodness of man.

In Luke Skywalker’s case, Luke attempts to complete the full circle of life. He must, not as in the previous movie, The Empire Strikes Back, reconcile the internal turmoil existing within; but, he must resolve the conflict with his father, Dark Vader, played by David Prowse. At every turn where he is gripped with the choice to believe the worst of his father, he chooses to cling to the glimmer of hope that his father is redeemable. The viewer may get the sense that Luke will come to terms with his contrasting views of his father; some one who you may love to hate and hate to love. Isn’t this similar to the ‘coming of age’ challenge and driving story of all male adolescents today?

The Return of the Jedi also serves as a medium for opening complex family discussions; a chance for fathers seeking better relations with their sons to view in Luke the unyielding hope and trust that sons have in their dads regardless of power struggles, turf wars, and rivalry. In the movie, it is mentioned that Anakin Skywalker/Dark Vader was seduced by the dark side. Even Ben Obi Wan Kenobi, played by Alec Guinness rationalized to Luke that his father was no longer human. “Dark Vader”, he said, “is more machine than man, twisted and evil...”

In spite of this, there are several opportunities for the viewer to take a peek at Dark Vader’s humanness. While inspecting the Death Star in preparation for a visit by the Emperor, Dark Vader was quoted as saying, “The Emperor is not as forgiving as I.” In this sentence, the viewer gets the sense that Dark Vader wants to be redeemed, he wants to get a chance to make things right with his son, with the rebel fighters; with the world. As Dark Vader trails Luke from a distance and watches the struggles of his son, Dark Vader becomes the apprentice and re-learns the art of compassion, human kindness and hope. He may in fact learn to believe once more that Good may prevail if given the chance.

Another interesting aspect of the movie as it relates to families is the role that intuition plays within the family circle. Luke Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker/Dark Vader and Princess Leia, played by Carrie Fisher were joined together by a common bond. Each sensing whether the other was in danger, or in close proximity, as well as intuiting their next steps. At the end of the movie, the viewers will get the opportunity to see whether this intuition and/or family love; fatherly and sibling love of the three main characters will be strong enough to destroy the Death Star and restore peace in the galaxy.

See Other Articles Emphasizing the Development of Moral Character in Children
http://ishareknowledge.com/2008/12/31/resilient-yes-budding-tyrant-no.aspx

Dr. Mead, PhD, MBA, MA http://www.ishareknowledge.com/ is a consultant specializing in human behavior, school and social psychology. She can be contacted at: tonya@ishareknowledge.com. She invites you to visit her marriage advice column, appearing three times weekly at: http://www.examiner.com/x-4793-DC-Marriage-Advice-Examiner.

Restoring the American Spirit Using Natural Regression and Hibernation

2009-02-19T22:46:00Z

By: Tonya Foust Mead

Modern medicine affords man the opportunity to recreate during the incubation period the time necessary for a particular process (a series of actions or events that are part of a system or of a development) to take place. Controlled incubation (particularly of premature babies) ultimately leads to a particular result such as growth, development and/or evolution. Medical regression, another term discussed in this article is the return to a former or earlier state, a relapse of systems, and/or the subsidence of symptoms or of a disease process. For survival during the winter, hibernation in animals represent a state of inactivity, lowered body temperature, slower breathing and slowed metabolic states. Animals hibernate to conserve energy and tap stored energy reserves within body fat. Some examples of each occurring in nature follow.

Mammal and Human Hibernation. In June 2004, an animal physiologist, Kathrin Dausmann of Philipps University of Marburg, Germany found that the mammal Lemur of Madagascar hibernates in tree holes for seven months of the year. Coupled with the news in 2001 that a toddler, Erika Nordby who, after her heart had stopped beating for two hours made a full recovery. This is a medical miracle in that her internal body temperature had dropped to 61 degrees Fahrenheit. When EMT arrived, she was legally dead.

Medical Regression and Re-lapse. Just this month, the newly issued March 2, 2009, issue of Forbes contains a cover story based upon the article, Miracle Survivors written by Robert Langreth. The journalist reports that recent studies suggest that as many as 1 in 3 breast tumors vanish on their own before detection by a doctor. The magazine with a rich history in taunting pharmaceutical drugs making significant breakthroughs in the fight against cancer wryly quoted Jedd D. Wolchok, an oncologist at New York’s Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, on spontaneous remission, he says, is “either divine intervention or the immune system.”

Incubation. It is widely known that for premature babies, the provision of natural light, love, human touch, and tenderness while they are housed in incubators greatly reduces the effects of stressors associated with delayed growth.

Winter of America’s Soul
What do these processes have to do with the restoration of the American spirit, in modern society and during modern times? During times of chaos, economic recession/depression, unemployment, home foreclosures, business bankruptcies, wanton federal spending, maybe this time is the winter of our souls.

Warm bloodied animals like the bear, bat, hamster, prairie dog, raccoon and skunk hibernate. Cold-bloodied hibernators are: lizards, snakes, mud turtles, snails, and earthworms. Perhaps we need to prepare for the harsh season ahead; save money, work extra overtime hours, find ways to increase our incomes, and our reduce our household expenditures. Then, we need not worry about the treacherous season ahead, as we are well-prepared. Rather than fret, ferry-around and fight against external conditions beyond our control, we might conduct our business in a semi-conscious state oblivious to the negative information and conditions circling around us.

Nature’s Immune System to Foster a Return to an Original State
We all know that change is inevitable. Our response to change though is what can kill, bankrupt, and maim. An aggressive action plan to refuse to settle for less than we deserve coupled with faith in self, God and others can heal, bring prosperity and psychological well-being. Take these three cases.

On February 17th, a few days shy of his first 30 days in office, President Obama signed a $787 billion stimulus plan into law. Many view the package as an attempt to revive the economy to bring it to its original state through tax cuts and federal spending. Considered one of the biggest pieces of legislative spending in history, his actions mirror the will and determination of Ole Nielsen Schou.
In 2002, Schou’s doctors told him that melanoma had spread to his liver, abdomen, lungs, bones and ten spots in his brain. Once surgeons removed his abdominal tumor, according to the Forbes article, the specialists indicated that they had no further treatment for his other tumors. After arriving home, he began a cocktail of 17 vitamins and supplements; he aggressively visualized that the metastases were rats, and he played and re-ran the mental picture of the act of chasing them and beating them down with a club. Just four months later, a new scan found that 90% of his tumors had melted away.
Norman Cousins, author of Head First and Anatomy of an Illness recounts a story in which experts often underestimate the ability of the human spirit to rise to important challenges. In 1953, he recalls, the US Sate Department started a project to bring Hiroshima survivors to the US for surgical and psychological treatment. The experts retorted that sheer fear of the American aggressor would impede and severely weaken the subjects and threaten the effectiveness of the program. In the end, the two-year program was a success. The experts missed the way in which the human mind could override statistical evidence in response to deep determination and/or the anticipation of a loving experience.

Forced and Controlled Incubation
Now that we have developed an aggressive action plan as a collective body, or nation and on an individual level, created plans of attack on a personal and family level to stem job loss, foreclosure and bankruptcy; what is required now is to act faithfully in implementing our plans, believe in faith that we will prevail, and ultimately, let go, knowing in our hearts that all is well.

Excessive worry lowers one’s immune system, cripples one’s innate desire to create, build and produce. And, it dilutes and weakens the prescription (our antidote to combat that which we fear). We’ve already created a sound strategy for beating this thing (poor economic outlook, declining home values and stock prices, etc). Why bound the treadmill of fear, only to return back to the place in which we are trying to escape?

Remember, it could be argued that the effectiveness of most pharmaceutial drugs hinges upon the belief the patient holds in that the drug will cure the ailment. Some placebos prove remarkably effective too. In referring to man’s ability to surmount incredible odds, turn to the fictional character, Yoda of the Star Wars movies by George Lucas in which he confronts a doubting Luke Skywalker.

Yoda: Use The Force. Now ... feel it. Concentrate.
[Luke's X-wing sinks into the swamp]
Luke Skywalker: We'll never get it out now!
Yoda: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Luke Skywalker: Master, moving stones around is one thing. This is totally different.
Yoda: No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.
Luke Skywalker: Alright, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No! Try not! Do, or do not. There is no try.
[Luke concentrates, and the X-wing begins to rise out of the swamp. A moment later, however, it sinks the rest of the way, with Yoda and R2-D2 both expressing their disappointment.]
Luke Skywalker: [tired] I can't. It's too big.
Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you, hmm? And well you should not, for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. [looks around him] Life creates it. Makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you. Everywhere. Here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere. Yes, even between the land and the ship.
Luke Skywalker: You want the impossible. [starts to walk away]
[Yoda sighs, then concentrates on the ship. Using the Force, he raises it out of the swamp and places it safely on dry land, then looks back to Luke.]
Luke Skywalker: [astonished] I don't believe it!
Yoda: That is why you fail.

How does the above relate to incubation? There is negativity everywhere, on the radio, television broadcasts, billboard advertisements, internet blogs, etc. In discussions with significant others, friends, experts and pundits, one must have the resolve to forcibly place one’s belief system in a virtual, invisible incubator. A sacred place of inspiration in which you are the sole controller of the thought contents that seep in and the speech that goes out. A place of nurturance for your ideas and action plans that will ultimately lead you, your family, and the nation out of this morass of economic despair.

Dr. Mead, PhD, MBA, MA http://www.ishareknowledge.com is a consultant specializing in human behavior, school and social psychology. She can be contacted at: tonya@ishareknowledge.com

The Expatriate Spouse: Unlikely Change Agent

2009-02-18T20:01:00Z

2002 Paper for Submission to the Journal of Organizational Change Management

“THE ACCOMPANYING SPOUSE: AN UNLIKELY CHANGE AGENT”

AUTHORS:

Tonya Foust Mead, MBA, MA, PhD candidate
Empresarial Universidad, Costa Rica
Yvonne M McNulty, BBus (Hons)
Southern Cross University, Australia

tonyamead@email.com
tonya@ishareknowledge.com
ymcnulty@thetrailingspouse.com

Abstract:
This paper examines the role of the accompanying spouse as an unlikely change agent in expatriate management. An international relocation is classified as a work transition and one in which significant change issues can, and do, arise at the organizational, employee and spouse/family levels. In particular this paper examines the discourse surrounding the causes of expatriate assignment failure, with a focus on terminology and the mis-use of language to suit an agenda. It seeks to examine, through narrative, the lack of spousal adjustment and family issues as the most often cited reason attributed to premature return and/or assignment failure.

Challenging this widely held view was the basis of two studies presented in this paper, both of which were conducted using samples of more than 80 expatriated families (employee and accompanying spouse). The narrative findings lend support, based on narratives and individual stories of ambiguity and contradiction, that poor organizational change management during expatriation is largely attributed to the lack of corporate policy addressing the specific needs of internationally mobile families.

Keywords: Expatriates, Accompanying Spouse, Narrative, Empirical Research

INTRODUCTION
The literature regarding failure rates attests to the fact that rather than sponsoring organizations accepting full or partial responsibility for failed assignments, the generally accepted and oft cited business statistic is to claim family and spousal problems as a primary reason for at least 69% of failed international assignments (Atlas, 1995). The central argument of this paper is to investigate this claim, in light of the considerable change management issues associated with expatriation. A further argument is whether family and spousal problems are being addressed by the sponsoring organizations who use this problem as a potentially convenient explanation for assignment failure.

Of particular interest is the discourse surrounding the terminology used to describe and account for spousal issues as a primary cause of assignment failure. Therefore, from the outset this paper will potentially raise more questions than it answers, but therein lies the central aim – to challenge existing thinking and, through narrative, to attempt to address the problem.

ORGANIZATIONAL DISCOURSE IN EXPATRIATE MANAGEMENT
The foundation of organizational discourse is based largely within the framework of context. Contexting refers to the manner in which people communicate and the context in which and in which the communication occurs (Gibson, 1998). In addition to the critical assessment of the general consensus, the control of organizational discourse within its appropriate context will be a key theme of this paper and has been found :
(1) in the language to limit the inclusion of corporate recall into the figures cited for early departures;
(2) to emphasize the disproportional weight placed on spousal dissatisfaction and its influence in assignment success;
(3) to de-emphasize the effect and the statistical significance of corporate support systems, policies and procedures, or lack thereof, in assignment success;
(4) to avoid organizational dissention at all costs; and
(5) in the discursive movements of stakeholders such as corporations, relocation services providers and academia all of whom have competing agendas in successful expatriation.
Discourse empowers certain agents to pronounce with authority representations about the shape and form of the world (Prior, 1997). It shapes what can or cannot be discussed, researched, or analyzed. It is a body of language that is condoned by a particular community (DeCock, 1998) where pressure to conform to accepted ways of communication allows certain statements, whilst simultaneously restricting, limiting or disallowing others (Casey, 1995). The following examples of discourse in expatriate management illustrate this point.

A. Corporate Recall versus Early Departure Rates
In the language used to study expatriate failure rates, there are more references to the term ‘early departure’ which inherently means that the expatriate made the decision to depart early, rather than ‘recall rate’ which signifies that the decision for early termination was made by the corporation. Upon reviewing the literature only one mention of the term “recall rate” could be found (Dowling and Schuler, 1994)..
“Turnover rate” would be more appropriate as it includes both the recall rate and the early depature rate in describing the problem. Furthermore, such selective terminology shifts attention from managerment, as Drucker (1998), when referring to hiring and promotion, contended that one-third of the decisions are right, one-third are minimally effective, and one-third are ‘outright’ failures.

B. Spousal Dissatisfaction: The Disproportionate Weighting Factor
The misrepresentation of the spouse and family as a primary reason for assignment failure and premature return may be an important anomaly in expatriate management. , particularly when discourse as a field of study orginally focused on language and communication, and which has become the foundation upon which organisational change is also built.

For instance, there has been a tendency (the international human resouce management (IHRM) field notwithstanding), to produce literature texts that limits concepts to those which one particular group is ideologically comfortable or to those which emphasize variables that are easily manipulatedble by managerial interests (Watson, 1994). Furthermore, gGroups made subservient by those in domination may choose to accept, condone, comply with or resist the ideological or managerial social power power exercized over them. Within the context of organizational discourse in failure rate research, the female expatriate spouses can be considered one such dominated group a dominated group, a group of women whom have proven to be easily plyable, if for but gender alone. Martin (1990) attempted to deconstructed organizational taboos and found that even well-intentioned organizational practices can aggravate rather than alleviate gender inequalities. According to Witkin-Canoil (1985), the nature of women (Witkin-Canoil, 1985) asserts, is such that they relinquish their power and control instead of reacting aggressively to threatening situations.

It may be argued then that assigning blame for early departure to the group that has the least power to solve the problem (largely due to overwhelming organizational biases built into the fabric of expatriate managementthe sponsoring organisation) is a form of hegemony, integrated forms of which are readily apparent in organizational systems’ policy, procedures, and norms (Gramsci, 1971).

C. Muted Organizational Dissention
The typical expatriate is male (84%), married (64%), married and accompanied by spouse (77% of the married pool of expatriates), and accompanied by children (61%) (Windham, 1999; Cendant, 2000). Muted organizational dissention involves the employee (expatriate) and non-employee stakeholder (spouse) and the manner in which employee-based concerns are brought to the attention of the employer. The typical expatriate is male (84%), married (64%), married and accompanied by spouse (77% of the married pool of expatriates), and accompanied by children (61%) (Windham, 1999; Cendant, 2000).

On the one hand, disagreement and dissention concerning work and family conflicts from the employee’s perspective could be are muted for these reasons,: (i) many male employees are hesitant to voice family-related concerns for fear that they will conflict with the corporate image of a successful male (Powell, 1997); (ii) the rationale for such behavior is that traditional gender roles prescribe that work is the role for men while home maintenance and family duties are seen as roles for women (Gutek, Searle and Klepa, 1991); (iii) female expatriate spouses may condone and accept blame for assignment failure because they are more concerned with striking a balance between work and family and are eager to promote a better understanding and acceptance of the relationship between work and family than men (Powell and Mainiero, 1992); (iv) women do not comprise more than 16% (an increase from 12% in 1997) of the expatriate workforce (Cendant, 2000), therefore expatriate support policy is less likely to be positively affected by working women as -Goodstein (1994) found that women are one of the most important groups influencing companies to adopt better work and family programs. The gender stereotyping and under-representation of women on international assignments has been extensively researched (Adler, 1990, 1994; Adler and Izaeli, 1993; Harris, 1993; Hardill, 1997).

On the other hand, power politicking on the part of the corporation (DeCock, 1998) may also play a role as well. An employee’s reluctance to voice dissention and mount resistance could be isdriven by corporate trends to decrease the number of married expatriates accompanied by a spouses. Windham (1999) reported a steady increase in single status assignments of married expatriates. And finally,Most corporations havehave yet to include the voice (Belenky et al, 1986) of the accompanying spouse as a critical component of expatriate management policy. As non-employee or external stakeholders (Gass et al. 1997) their power and interest (Freeman, 1984), as well as importance andand influence (Grimble and Wellard, 1996), have yet to be fully recognized by strategic planners crafting expatriate management policy.

D. De-emphasis on the Importance of Corporate Support Policy
In addition to the control of context within communication, it is equally vital to discern which group or individual controls the topics to be discussed, dissected and developed. Examples of exertion of control are news-editors deciding the topics journalists will cover (Gans, 1979; van Dijk, 1988a, 1988b), and professors choosing the study topics for class (Palmer, 1989; Fishman, 1983; Lindegren-Lerman, 1983). In expatriate management, consulting firms, relocation companies and even academe exert considerable control by limiting the thorough examination of ‘corporate support policy’and marginalizing ‘family and spousal issues’ as relevant topics. Yet the evidence suggests that corporations with policies that include innovative work and family programs (i) have a better chance to improve its bottom line (Friedman, 1991); (ii) foster employee loyalty (Grover & Crooker, 1995); and (iii) might experience financial returns that are three times higher than companies with weak support policies (Wyatt, 2001).

Another concern impeding constructive policies could be due to the appearance that academe seeks to support the argument, rather than challenge it. In terms of discerning which groups or individuals control the topics to be discussed, dissected and developed, there has been little theoretical research and even fewer empirical studies of spousal issues in relation to the causes of expatriate turnover (Black, 1989; Birdseye, 1995; Shaffer, 1998). From this perspective it is difficult to ascertain the extent to which what is available in the literature about the accompanying spouse is both academically and professionally reliable in spite of the proliferation of published material on the subject.

E. Discursive Movements of Stakeholders
The most fundamental work in discourse is the analysis of power relationships of groups and institutions; to be more succint, the study of social power abuse and dominance and how it is enacted, reproduced and resisted in text and talk (van Dijk, 1998). In addition to the ususal forms and manifestations of power (military force, status, and money), Lukes (1986) and Wrong (1979) advocate that one’s power base is drawn from a reservior of privileged access to scarce social resources such as knowledge, information and even ‘culture’ to include various forms of public discourse and communication.

If social power in its most basic form contains a control element, it follows that some groups have more power given their ability to control the acts and minds of members of the same group or other groups. The converse is also true in that less power is afforded to groups that lack the ability to control others.

In expatriate managementreality, different types of social power may be distinguished according to the various resources employed to exercize such power: professors and academic researchers utilize social power based on knowledge or information; relocation and consulting firms have power based on authority or experience. Corporations, of course, obtain social power based on market capitalization, market share of respective industries, largess of revenues, number of employees, and so on. Clearly, everyone has an agenda. Agendas that are not, however, always conducive to affect positive change. In fact, corporations may be inadvertently exercising their social power to maintain the status quo. Milliken, a Baldridge Award Winner, (as cited in Hamilton and Smith, 1993) declared, the biggest inhibitors to improvement are top management, middle management, and first line supervisors. In this regard if there is but one single role that only top management can play, surely it must be to revise obsolete policy.

CRITICAL NARRATIVE ASSESSMENT OF THE GENERAL CONSENSUS
The aim of this paper is to investigate, through narrative, the increasing awareness of spousal issues as a growing concern in expatriate management. The following section critically assesses and compares both the literature and the narrative discourse surrounding the importance of assignment success and the role of the accompanying spouse. The narrative is drawn from two studies both of which utilized separate samples of more than seventy-seven accompanying spouses (these studies are discussed later in this paper). In this section specifically the literature identifies the problem and the narrative attempts to identify the cause. The narrative also offers potential solutions towards addressing the problems.

A. Failed Assignments: High Turnover, High Costs and Unmet Expectations
International assignment failure is an important issue in the ongoing management of expatriation. The discourse surrounding assignment failure has, however, largely focused on costs and blame rather than the identification of root causes and addressing issues head on. For example, assignment failure rates range from 7 to 20% depending upon the source, home-country, and assignment location (Tung, 1981; Zeira and Banai, 1984; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1985; Mendenhall, Dunbar et al, 1987; Tung, 1987; Wederspahn, 1992; Dowling and Schuler, 1994). However, it is difficult to obtain exact failure rate statistics given there is very limited empirical research on the subject since Tung’s 1981 study (Tung, 1981; Harzing, 1995). Given that Tung’s research is the most statistically reliable to date (Harzing, 1995) a 10%-20% failure rate was expected 20 years ago for the majority of US multinationals (69%), with a less than 5% failure rate for the majority of European (59%) and Japanese (76%) MNC’s.

The costs associated with assignment failure can often be three to four times that of the expatriate employee’s salary (Harvey, 1983; Zeira and Banai, 1984; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1985; Wederspahn, 1992; Torrington, 1994; Birdseye and Hill, 1995). Furthermore, excluding salary, the costs associated with maintaining a US expatriate family internationally can range from over US$200,000 in Tokyo to just over US$138,000 in Paris (Lublin and Smith, 1994). In the US, the NFTC estimates that the cost of sending an expatriate on a 3-year assignment can easily total $1M (with a base salary of US$75,000-$100,000) (CIGNA, 2001). Add to this the cost of the removal, and pre-departure preparation/orientation upon arrival, and the costs to MNC’s becomes significant when compared to hiring local staff.

Furthermore, a Cendant Mobility (1998) study of UK-based multinationals, 56% conceded that they experienced failed assignments. Furthermore, the turnover rate for expatriated executives is cited as twice that of executives who don’t relocate (Gregersen and Black, 1999). Of the expatriates who complete contracts to full-term, Gregersen and Black (1999) found that only one-third performed up to expectations.

Study One: Early Departures – An Identification, Ranking and Analysis of Family and Spousal Problems

“hmmm..I don’t challenge your stats, but of the expats that I have known, all have had successful assignments.” Australian male. Five years experience in USA, Switzerland and Hong Kong.

“Premature departure is usually the result of a mismatch: the wrong person for the job. The reasons for the mismatch are often due to miscommunication. Someone wasn’t listening during the interview. American female. Twenty-nine years experience in Africa, Asia and Middle East.

“Tend to disagree. It is an exaggerated excuse.” American female. Thirteen years experience in England, Holland, Hong Kong, China, Indonesia, India and France.

“The fact that the guys are expected to work 80 hour weeks plays a huge part in the failure rate.” American female. Overseas experience in Israel.

B. Family and Spousal Problems: Reason for Assignment Failure
A review of the expatriate literature reveals that the role of the accompanying spouse is cited as one of the most critical and important factors influencing international assignment success (Punnett, 1997; Sanchez, Spector et al, 2000). It has been widely researched and reported that lack of spousal or family adjustment can have a direct influence on assignment success from the employee’s perspective (Caligiuri, Hyland et al 1998; Schneider and Asakawa, 1995; Black and Stephens 1989). Arthur & Bennett (1995) demonstrated that family situation was generally found to be the most important factor, as perceived by transferring spouses, in relation to their assignment success.

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“…I do believe that spouse’s add a tremendous amount of value to any MNC by organising relocations, creating a social network, smoothing the experience for the working spouse etc without any official recognition …” (#57)

“ .. companies that relocate families need to spend time assessing the family needs instead of just expecting them to tag along for the ride … I think companies need to spend a little more time and money on how to support the spouse and acknowledge the support job they do, after all, I know from personal experience that my husband couldn’t do his job without me and our two children here…” (#34)

In a recent PricewaterhouseCoopers (2000) study it was revealed from an international survey of 270 organizations employing over 65,000 expatriates that family issues were the major reason for employees refusing to relocate internationally (76%). A similar result was found in the Windham International/National Foreign Trade Council (NFTC) 1994 Survey in which 81% of the respondents cited family considerations as the primary reason for turning down an assignment (Windham/NFTC, 1994).

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“…when you have a great career and a great life and you have to leave it behind, it is very hard not to feel resentful. I agreed to relocate but after 6 months I had to think about me again, and I have since moved back home to live with my parents while my husband finishes out the assignment. We both know that we will never do it again…” (#62)

“…in the first year of his appointment abroad I chose to stay behind due to career commitments…“ (#42)

“ … My husband was relocated from China to the US when our daughter was halfway through her senior year, right about the time she was doing college applications etc … I stayed on in China so she could graduate and finish the school year and then joined my husband in the US about 6 months after he relocated there…“ (#72)

Yvonne – narrative support
Black & Gregersen (1991) proposed that family and spousal-related issues are major factors influencing expatriate management (Black and Gregersen 1991) and in academe this is a widely accepted view. Indeed, it has been demonstrated by researchers that while spousal (and familial) influences on an employee’s performance are not unique to expatriate management and international relocations alone, they are more critical in these contexts than in domestic settings (Zeira and Banai, 1984; Caligiuri, Hyland et al., 1998; Shaffer and Harrison 1998; Harvey, Buckley et al. 1999).

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset?

“…the frustration is getting information from the right people…the working spouse holds all the cards – social security number, work visa, credit history etc. Any problems usually have to be funnelled through him and his work, which is such a waste of time for all concerned, when I’m sitting here at home with not much to do and perfectly capable of doing it myself. So I get mad at him, when it’s not really him I’m made at but his company, for insisting that all communication go through him. What a waste of time – he has to deal with human resources all day instead of doing his job…” (#71)

Up until now, In spite of the acceptance of spousal dissatisfaction, family and spousal problems, and spousal resistance have been considered as primary reasons for expatriate early departure and assignment failure, few explanations for the cause of such problems are available.. The point by which work demandedIt is agreed that the work demands of the expatriate, coupled with , the family conflicts (Greenhause and Beutell, 1985; Feldman and Thompson, 1993) and the deterioration of paterner partner intimacy (Mead, 2002) can lead insuing leads to early departure. However, Furthermore, the extent to which corporate support is ineffectual or even lacking has rarely been mentioned as a factor influencing the decision to depart prematurely or as a cause for assignment failure. On the domestic front, Hom and Griffeth (1995) developed a model based on pay, benefits, fairness and role conflict to retain employees and the Families and Work Institute (1997) found that exuberant job demands impacted retention negatively while job quality and workplace support impacted retention positively - factors which have yet to be fully explored in the international work environment.

Study One: Early Departures - An Identification, Ranking and Analysis of Family and Spousal Problems

“There’s little job security, you make a mistake and you’re on the next plane out (or in jail in my case) and that’s stressful. Contracts are not worth the paper they are written on, and employers change them unilaterally- it you challenge this you are sacked – either put up or shut up! Changing jobs can be hard, with clauses banning you from other jobs locally for 2 years, and you need a ‘letter of no objection’ to get another job in the same country. Everyone is on knife edge, and salaries no longer compensate - mine has been the same for 6 years now.” American female. Twenty-nine years experience in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

“We will be leaving early from this assignment due to lack of support of both the stateside and local companies.” American female. Ten years experience in Brazil, Japan, Canada, Germany, Turkey and Morocco.

“I know of friends who left early from an assignment for various reasons. Usually it’s general unhappiness with the location combined with dissatisfaction with the job.” American female. Nineteen years experience in Singapore, Japan, Saudi Arabia, Holland and England.

“Yes, I know someone who left prematurely. Difficulties with employer, changes of contract, conditions of employment, salary reductions were the reasons. People who have jobs work hard, and are squeezed dry by employers (often this is the reason for leaving). I don’t know of anyone who left because of family problems (and I’ve been an expat for almost ten years).” British female. Nine years experience in New Zealand, India, Saudi Arabia and Dubai.

One final point is that Nnumerous studies, however, have attempted to define and measure success both from the sponsoring organization’s perspective (Stroh, 1995) and from the transferring spouse’s personal view of the experience (Stephens and Black, 1991; Shaffer, Harrison et al., 1999; Sanchez, Spector et al., 2000). Very few, if any, empirical studies have explored assignment success and failure from the accompanying spouse’s perspective alone (Punnett, 1997; Copeland, 2001).

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“…The available research is outdated and it only concentrates on the employees anyway, not on families and especially not on wives…” (#39)

“ … I’ve read so much rubbish about what my needs are supposed to be – and somehow it’s all tied back to my husband’s job and him having job security and a big salary so that I somehow feel more secure and am supposed to adjust better…but it’s really just about HIM and where do I even come into this so-called “spouse research”? I think personally that the partner issue is central to the problem of expatriation and I think most multinationals know it - the Fortune 100 all agree that dual-career is the issue of the new millennium, but, hey, what would they know? They're not sitting in a hallowed white tower at some big name university pontificating about what's going on in business, they're just living it - BIG DISTINCTION !!! …” (#9)

In spite of this apparent shortcoming, one thing is clear from the literature; assignment success is desirable andthe numerous studies, articles and reports attests to its importance in expatriate management (Torbiorn, 1982; Tung, 1982; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1985; Tung, 1988; Black and Stephens, 1989; Black and Gregersen, 1991; Black, Mendenhall et al., 1991; Strawn and Nurney, 1995; Sanchez, Spector et al., 2000). A categorized sampling of the positions espoused and promoted by the primary stakeholders in international human resource management follows.

C. Least Important Corporate Criteria = Most Common Cited Reason for Failure
Scott (1997) demonstrated that there was an unmet need for a shift away from a singular approach to determining an employee’s suitability for an international assignment toward a multi-dimensional approach to policy that supports family relationships and stability. This theory is consistent with PricewaterhouseCoopers (2000) that investigated, amongst other factors, the lack of spousal recognition in expatriate management. The top 3 criteria for assessing an employee’s suitability for international relocation according to the companies surveyed were job-related skills (96%), leadership skill (74%) and career development for the employee (72%). Suitability of family circumstances to assignment location and intercultural ability of the employee were listed as 9th and 10th on the list of ten most important selection criteria, falling well below language ability (4th) and business vision (8th).

The five least important criteria for candidate selection were (in order) intercultural adaptability of the spouse, children’s educational needs, emotional resilience, spouse’s career, and lifestyle suitability. As the survey reported, it is interesting that these five least important criteria were also the most common reasons given for assignment failure. The findings of this survey are widely supported by the literature (Harvey, 1985; Tung, 1987; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1988; Black and Stephens, 1989; Black and Gregersen, 1991; Stephens and Black, 1991; Arthur and Bennett, 1995; Harvey, 1998.

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“ … one of the things that has been continually disappointing to me is that corporate HR departments seem to be populated with people who have never relocated; their motivation is to get the employee into his or her new job as quickly as possible and there is little acknowledgement that the relocation process and transition into a new culture for the entire family is an important issue … “ (#56)

“ … repatriation to Germany was an exercize in cluelessness. Obviously the HR staff at the local office hadn’t dealt with many expats previously … requests such as job assistance were met with ‘why?’…” (#78).

“…it’s important when my husband’s company shows that they care about us as a family, not only about him as their employee…” (#21)

The PricewaterhouseCoopers study also revealed that over half of the companies surveyed cited the accompanying spouse’s lack of adjustment as a major factor contributing towards assignment failure; again, this is a view consistent with previous research (Tung, 1981; Tung, 1987). Nevertheless, whilst this statistic is not surprising to those who work in expatriate management (Windham/NFTC, 2000), it is surprising that spousal satisfaction as a factor influencing assignment success still remains a low priority as evidenced by the paucity of empirical research. In failing to address this critical need, sponsoring organizations are potentially jeopardising the success of their entire expatriate program (Torbiorn, 1982).

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“ … I am more concerned about the details of the move than he is and want to have it all planned out. He is more concerned with the work he will do in the new location. So he doesn’t ask the relocation expert at his firm questions I want answers to. I feel cut off from a process that affects my life deeply… “ (#25)

“… don’t emphasize a need to overwork at the beginning to prove oneself … pressures at work requiring my husband to stay at work late at night – especially at the beginning – contribute to my feelings of isolation…” (#78)

“…he has to work right away and there’s no time allocated for him to assist me in getting adjusted, findings stores, etc…I feel very isolated…” (#75)

BACKGROUND EMPIRICAL RESEARCH EXPATRIATE MANAGEMENT
Expatriate adjustment has been widely documented and a large body of research exists (Voydanoff, 1980; Torbiorn, 1982; Crouter, 1984; Hofstede, 1984; Greenhaus and Beutell, 1985; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1985; Black, Mendenhall et al., 1991; Tung, 1993; Aycan, 1997).

Cross-cultural adjustment, and spousal adjustment in particular, may be key to how well expatriates perform on their assignment (Black and Gregersen, 1990; Black and Stephens, 1989; Lynem 2001). Specifically, Harvey (1997) identified spousal adjustment as an important aspect of dual-career spouse’s overall satisfaction with international relocations.

Black and Stephens (1989) identified the positive correlation between the spouse’s adjustment and the transferring spouse’s intent-to-stay. Overall, researchers have demonstrated that the spouse is of critical importance to assignment success (Torbiorn, 1982; Black and Stephens, 1989; Arthur and Bennett, 1995; Punnett, 1997). A number of theoretical models of the expatriate have been identified from the literature. Tung (Tung, 1993; Tung, 1998) proposes a theoretical model of adjustment for expatriates based on the work of Rieger and Wong-Rieger (1991), and Berry (1980). The model proposes that the acculturation process results in a four-cell typology utilising two dimensions – cultural preservation and partner attractiveness – to measure patterns of interaction between individuals from different cultures and to ultimately measure levels of adjustment.

Concerning the family, Fukuda and Chu (1994) found that family-related problems were ranked first in explaining why expatriates terminated their assignments. Brett (1982) found that relocated families have a difficult time re-establishing social networks, especially when there are adolescent children in the family. Furthermore, Arthur & Bennett concluded that family situation was one of the most important factors contributing to overall adjustment of the expatriate, with adjustment considered an important indicator of assignment success, a finding consistent with other research (Zeira and Banai, 1984; Mendenhall and Oddou, 1985; Black and Stephens, 1989; Black and Gregersen, 1991; Punnett, 1997).

As shown by the aforementioned review of the academic literatureillustrated, to date, academe has provided the most extensive library of knowledge regarding expatriate management. According to Argyris (1983), this wealth of information collected using scientific and objective approaches according to Argyris (1983) has in some ways undercut useful theory by insistence on research detachment and maintenance of unilateral control. The emphasis on scientific research in its strictest sense undermines academe’s ability to analyze the nuances of 'interpretive schemes' used by members of a group to give life and meaning to their actions and decisions (Bartunek, 1984). The extent to which the research findings by academe have lead to positive change in expatriation can also be questioned.To the extent with which, research findings by academe have lead positive change can be questioned as well Friedlander and Brown (1974) made such an observation whilst contemplating the strengths and weaknesses of action (consulting and practice-oriented) and theory (diagnostic and academic-based) research.

"We have generally failed to produce a theory of change which emerges from the change process itself. We need a way of enriching our understanding and action synergistically rather than at one or the other's expense to become a science in which knowledge-getting and knowledge-giving are an integrated process, and one that is valuable to all parties involved”. (Friedlander and Brown, 1974, pp319).

PRACTICE-ORIENTED RESEARCH; OFTEN A MISUSED TOOL
The human condition is such that people, IHRM included, want simple solutions and explanations-- and there is often pressure to provide them (DeCock, 1998). It is understandable that IHRMInternational human resource managers looks to various co-conspirators, in conjunction with internal corporate documentation and analysis, to assist in theidentifying the likely causal factors for failed assignments. This tendency is often exploited, particularly amongst relocation and consulting firms. A negation of the valuable contributions to society that these service agents provide; is not the aim, however, concerns that practice-oriented scholars are so "…client-centered that they fail to question their clients' own definition of a problem and thereby build testable propositions that are embedded into everyday life.…" (Cooperrider and Srivastva, 1987, pp7). Such issues will be discussed in the following section.

Corporations
In fact, in light of the changing global economy, corporations do sometimes appear justified in their miss-use of the research. Global contraction of scarce resources and trans-coastal competition forced corporations in the 1980s and early 1990s to become proficient in creating shareholder and customer value (“Six Indicators for Major Business Trends”, 1998). The most popular technique for achieeiving such value was through the tactical focus on cost reduction and the "doing more with less" ideology. Such hawkish-ness in expatriate management was expressed by minimizing costs through the elimination and/or the reduction in foreign service pools, cessation of preminuums, incentives, and reduction of cost of living indexes (Swaak, 1995) - all the while, laments Swaak, demanding more from the expatriates on-hand. During such periods, the cost-cutting procedures that were good for the livelihood of the company wereas supposed to be perceived by the impacted employees as being good for them as well (Keenoy, 1997).

Against this backdrop, senior and middle managers, by buying into the cost cutting programs, signaled to their supervisors that they were not adverse to change and would not unduly go against the organizational tide (Huczynski, 1993). As such, due to personal and group motivations, accounts of the negative effects of such cost-cutting measures vary according to the individual or group presenting the story and the receiving audience (Boje, 1991). As illustrated by the IHRM international human resource managers professionals quoted below (all of whom , possessed similar roles, experiences and concerns),, a high level of trust (Powell, 1996) fostered the transparency of exchange and led to the following se confessions.

Comments from International Human Resource Managers attending
Global Think Tank Meetings of the National Foreign Trade Council, Inc. 1994 (Swaak, 1995, pp8)

"We revised the assignment policy without paying much attention to what was needed in the global marketplace. As a consequence, we lost some good people, and we kept some we did not really want to keep."

"We have made periodic adjustments in our assignment policy that have generated savings but that have not been received positively by all those affected. As a matter of fact, they were nothing more than band-aid approaches to expatriate compensation. In the end, we were criticized for being haphazard and out of touch with reality.”

"We contained costs by simply sending fewer expatriates, whether or not that made good business sense.”

IMPLICATIONS FOR IHRM: THE NARRATIVE AS A POSITIVE TOOL
From a human capital standpoint, expatriate work transition (Ashford and Taylor, 1990) is perhaps the most complex of all change management processes, largely because it incorporates most types of work transition within its inherent structure: new employee orientation and socialization, intra-organizational transition, restructuring, and mergers & acquisitions. Some of these transitions require substantial attention in the change management process predominantly as single processes. Yet expatriate work transition is potentially the most unique and critical human capital change management function because it involves most, if not all, of these transitions at the same time, and involves more than just the management of the expatriate employee. It also constitutes external and internal psychological processes relevant to coming to terms with a new environment (Bridges, 1991). Some of these situational conditions include: In a global economy where 41% of revenue is derived from international activity and 20% are new hires a compelling argument for the critical importance of international human capital management has arisen. Expatriate executives are increasingly becoming a significant factor in the expansionary plans of MNC’s. Headlines such as “Expatriate Workers Mean World to Human Resources” (Byrnes-Lenarcic, 1998) streaming across a recent business journal seems to sum up the sentiment. According to a survey of 100 administrators polled by Runzheimer International (1998), 60% of the respondents predicted that in the next 5 years the expatriate population would increase. In addition to the functional and administrative aspects of work transition such as pre-determined contract period and temporary nature of expatriate assignments (Kraimer, 1999); conditions with which the domestic work place have been converging upon, there are four characteristics highlighting the unique nature of expatriate work transition.

A. Inclusionary Boundary: Feldman and Thomas’ (1992) inclusionary boundary refers to the expatriate’s loss of centrality in the informal network of the sponsoring organization.

Another dimension of this phenomenon is the hire of non-host country nationals. Windham (1999) reported that 30% of expatriates are recruited in this manner. Although MNCs have traditionally relied upon home-country employees for international assignments, in a global economy companies have found it necessary to recruit more employees from the global talent pool. Therefore, the foreign expatriate may also have difficulty crossing the inclusionary boundary of the recruiting employer to their status as a non-host-country national.

B. Multi-Faceted Nature of Expatriation: The expatriate and family are required to adjust to multiple facets of a new life simultaneously (Black, 1988). They. O must also make sense of political, monetary, cultural, and economic systems and learning new languages, standards of behavior and conduct.

C. Culture Shock: Frustration resulting from strange cues about what to do and how to get it done leads to culture shock (Oberg, 1958), this is further compounded when organizational members are unavailable to help make sense about the new environment (Louis, 1980) [Glanz, 2001, #260].

D. Homophily and Loss of Reality: Schachter, Wrightsman, Festinger (as cited in Rodrigues,1976) found that as anxiety increases, the need to associate with others in like situations becomes paramont to establish reality. Ibarra suggests that international mobility forces expatriates to migrate towards those with similar backgrounds as a means of coping (Ibarra 1993). Referred to as homophily, an explanation ofit is the degree to which individuals are attracted, and associate with, those who are more like themselves.

Study Two: The Trailing Spouse: Barrier to Mobility or International Asset

“ … I had no way of connecting with other Western expat women. I would go shopping and look longingly at other women, wondering how long they had been here, and how I was going to get to meet them without sounding like a moron … I finally found, quite by accident, a women's group, and have since gotten tapped in to all kinds of networks – shopping, tennis, Bridge, what's on, etc…” (#63)

“…most of the stress comes from having to deal with the emotional responses to relocating, like missing home, the lack of stability in a new environment…” (#23)

IMPLICATIONS FOR FURTHER RESEARCH
The aim of this paper thus far has been to focus on the accompanying spouse’s role as a legitimate and positive influence in the development of expatriate management policy. It is the authors’ that among current research investigating spousal issues, there are three major challenges that detrimentally call into question research findings, policy implications and recommendations.

1. Appropriate Sampling
As this paper deals primarily with the attribution of assignment failure to family and spousal problems, the inclusion of the accompanying spouse’s voice in the sample is of significant importance. Voice is defined as a sense of self and how one makes meaning of the work (Belenky et al, 1986). In light of this Caffarella (1992) argued that researchers should re-design research methods to expand and extend women-only samples, and to test theories with men-only or mixed samples to determine how they apply to all people. Generally speaking, Caffarella argues that samples need to be representative of the population they aim to investigate.

Only a handful of researchers, however, have used spouse samples to investigate non-work family factors associated with assignment success (Torbiorn, 1982; Black and Gregersen, 1991; Punnett, 1997; Copeland, 2001). It was Punnett who highlighted that, in spite of what the literature reports about spousal issues, too little of the previous research is extensive enough to really investigate them in depth. For example, Black and Stephens (1989) identified a significant correlation between the accompanying and transferring spouse’s individual adjustment, both of which positively correlated to that couple’s intent-to-stay and subsequent assignment success. But after thirteen years since publication very little empirically-based spousal research appears to have surfaced to assist IHRM professionals with developing appropriate expatriate management policy to increase assignment success and prevent premature departure.

2. Empirical Research
Harzing (1996, pp3) made pointed reference to “…myth-building on the basis of one or two publications…”. Her primary concern was the continual distortions of expatriate failure rates spanning a forty year time period that begain on “shaky foundations” but took hold as many authors in the expatriate management field lentded credibility to the assertions by repeating them without providing empirical support.

3. Inclusionary and Wholistic Research
According to Friedlander (1984) there is a disconnect between traditional research and academe’s inability to integrate research into practice through the narrow focus on analyzing, conceptualizing and researching the problem. He offered this poignant recommendation, “…Instead, let’s actively engage and experiment with new designs for producing knowledge that is, in fact, used by organizations…” (pp647). Copperrider and Srivastva (1987, pp8) expanded upon this wholistic approach to research by calling for an elaboration of theory for greater understanding and the improvement of social practices.

“I have been an expatriate administrator for 18 years in West Africa, Syria, and Kuwait. Americans generally have a naivety and cultural arrogance that rubs people the wrong way (excuse this stereotype). This I find strange as the books on cultural management and some of the leading research on cross-cultural psychology is American. (Mead, 2002).

As the perceptions of a multi-national, multi-ethnic participant group involves in many cases, ethnocentrism (Gibson, 1998) and stereotyping (Marsh, 1999), Appadurai (1997) challenged fellow researchers with this statement: “…Are we prepared to move beyond a model for internationalizing social science whose main concern is with improving how others practice our precepts?…”(pp59).

METHODOLOGICAL EXAMPLES OF EMPIRICAL SPOUSE RESEARCH
The authors addressed these three In the following two studies presented, the threemajor research challenges in separate research projects by identified as impeding the effectiveness of spousal researchusing less traditional research methodologies to overcome the inherent perceived weaknesses of current practices (Mead, 2000; McNulty, 2001). were overcome using less-traditional research methodologies. First, to ensure the use of an appropriate sample, the risk of a low response from the intended sample (the accompanying spouse) and was addressed by exploiting socialization with other expatriates (See-Chai, 1998). To this end respondents were located in expatriate social clubs and web-based associations. Whilst both studies offered paper and electronic survey completion, the second study utilized a research website (set up for the specific purpose of the research) as the only means of primary data collection. The sample for each study exceeded 77 separate respondents (together, achieving 165 participants), of which the majority of participants were the accompanying spouse (88%).

Second, the risk of obtaining an unrepresentative inappropriateand non-empirical sample (ie. respondents who were not the accompanying spouse) was reduced by garnering high level sponsorship from leaders in the expatriate community (Selltiz et al, 1964) and utilizing the online opportunities now available to the expatriate community. The nature of online technology also raised the potential for obtaining a sample more representative sample, not specific to any one company, organization, country or nationality. However, to limit systematic error resulting from non-responses due to technological inaccessibility (Hamburg, 1979), in the first study, the researcher provided a fax number and postal address. Furthermore, the validity of the research was supported by limiting to two years the time period in which a prospective respondent repatriated, this was necessary to reduce error due to selective recall of past behavior (Sanitioso, Kunda and Fong, 1990). Reliance on traditional methods of distributing surveys (mainly through IHRM departments and/or expatriate employees) were avoided in an attempt to reduce dependency on printed materials (which is seen as ineffective for a mobile participant group).

Third, implicit within IHRM international human resource management research is the need to include within the research processes, the viewpoints of many nationalities. This requirement was met in both studies through use of online and web-based resources. In the first study, field research was undertaken in Brazil, a country that according to the American Academy of Management (as cited by Barbosa, 2000) is one of 4four countries with no cultural counterpart and yet it is one of the hottest destinations for expatriates (Windham, 1999). The researchers of these two studies believed that aAn inclusionary approach , the researchers of these two studies believe was anis the initial step towards achieving a wholistic integration of research leading to positive right action by sponsoring organizations.

Finally, although not identified as an inherent weakness in current spousal research, the authors believed that an exploration of the issues using both a quantitative AND qualitative methodology was essential in their respective studies. To this end, whilst both research projects gathered a significant amount of statistical data, it was felt that the data could be enriched by incorporating narratives as well (Creswell, 1994). The result is that the anecdotal findings presented in this paper lend a considerable amount of credibility and legitimacy to the concerns expressed by accompanying spouses during expatriation.

CONCLUSION
It is the authors’ belief that this paper has illustrated the depth of knowledge to be derived from the narrative discourse offered by the undervalued players (accompanying spouse) in corporate expatriation policy development. This paper has also attempted to challenge existing thinking by providing an in-depth first hand account of the difficulties encountered by the expatriate and family through their own narrative, and to highlight ways in which sponsoring organizations can begin to address these ongoing problems.

The intention is to directly engage the accompanying spouse in the organizational change and expatriate management processes. Their role has been largely subjugated; the authors propose that their role as change agents be legitimized as a result of their knowledge and experience, little of which is seen in current research or practice. The evidence is unarguablely sound: the accompanying spouse influences expatriate work transition. Whether the accompanying spouse negatively impacts job performance thereby causing a majority of the failed assignments or instigates a majority of the early departures is inconclusive. To label “spousal issues or partner dissatisfaction” as a reason for premature return or assignment failure is merely an obfuscation of a larger problem. Yet current research largely ignores the need to investigate more deeply the origin of this problem and how it might be addressed. As Glaser (1998) states, “…it is about time researchers study the problem that exists for the participants in the area, not what is supposed to exist or what professionals say is important…” (pp116).

Dr. Mead invites you to visit her marriage advice column, appearing three times weekly at: http://www.examiner.com/x-4793-DC-Marriage-Advice-Examiner.

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President's Day, Edgar Cayce and President Obama

2009-02-15T16:17:00Z

This article is to celebrate the birthdays of two presidents, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, to honor all past US presidents, to reflect upon the personal philosophy our new president, Barack Obama and to offer him our support.

Just yesterday, president Obama was quoted paraphrasing Macbeth while attending the re-opening ceremony of the Ford Theatre in celebration of Abe Lincoln’s 200 birthday. President Obama took the proverbial beating as apparently quoting Macbeth is considered an omen and precursor for bad things to come.

Bad things to come? Does Obama believe in omens? Wonder if First Lady Michelle Obama seeks the counsel of psychics? If you recall, it has been rumored that many presidents and First Ladies have occasionally referred to psychics to predict the future, forewarn omens and to foretell prophecies. Perhaps one of the best known psychics is Edgar Cayce.

The Philosophies of Edgar Cayce and Barack Obama: Are there Parallelisms?

In looking at the meteoric rise of Mr. Obama to cult status as leader of a world superpower and president of the US, one may refer to Edgar Cayce’s use and advocacy of channeling to find and express one’s higher self. Ways in which Mr. Obama may have channeled the positive energy of the universe to propel to astronomical heights are markedly apparent.

For instance, Cayce, as reported in the book, Channeling Your Higher Self espoused the following theories:

1. We can save our planet.
2. We need to remember our innate abilities and power.
3. Spirits and our deceased loved ones remind us of our powers.
4. We create our own reality through love, choice and the power to change.
5. We are loved.
6. We can awaken the profound power of love within ourselves.
7. We must dream, to remember them and to value their creative powers.

In glancing at the titles of Mr. Obama’s best sellers alone, The Audacity of Hope and Dreams of My Father, we glimpse into a philosophy striking similar to those of Edgar Cayce some 50 odd years ago.

Channeling Our Higher Selves

How do we as mere mortals, lacking connections to money men, influential political consultants and accomplished mentors channel our higher selves? In the midst of all the negative newscasts of declining home values, stagnant wages, job loss, increasing health insurance costs and college tuition… How might we, the mere commoner, the average Jane or Joe channel our higher selves? In the chaos of spirit numbing reality shows, addictive American Idol, Dancing with the Wolves television programming, how do we pierce through the ignorance and see the wisdom? We can see clearly our true nature in the mist and fog presented by the disbeliever, naysayer, the pessimistic and the overly critical by utilizing the following methods.

The Human Being- A Channel of Divine Energy

According to Cayce, you can activate your personal channel of divine energy by:
1. Listening to your intuition.
2. Listening to that small, still voice that signifies One Spirit, One Energy that unites all creation.

Tuning into Your Personal Channel

Since we all have a personal channel of divine energy, we must learn how to turn into the right frequency, tune into the channels for greater acuity, listen to the message, have the courage and self confidence to act upon the message, and to believe once the energy has been in force (put into play) that Thy will be done.

Cayce, as reported in the book, felt that we could do all of the above in this manner.

1. Always express love and empathy toward your fellow man.
2. The strength of one’s intuition will be directly proportional to your need to know something (a crisis, threat, impending death, danger, etc).
3. That small, still voice is usually the first thing/impulse you hear or feel before your big brain and ego kicks in to influence you.
4. Your intuition is consistent with your highest ideals and values.
5. The best way to strengthen your intuition is to honor it and use it.
6. Spend time in nature.

To go a step further, Cayce postulates that dreams serve as our divine energy channel. We have the channel available to us to use when we are awake too, but the problem is that there are so many interferences and distractions from external stimuli that we fail to turn to the divine frequency. Additionally, our internal thought processes and ego keep us from utilizing our intuition and instead we second guess ourselves when we have a premonition, gut feeling or instinct to do or not to do something.

Dreams

If you are interested in learning more about turning into your divine channel through the dream frequency, Cayce suggests these advantages.

Dreams,
1. Offer real experiences in the spiritual dimension.
2. Provide a reading of our current life.
3. Provide us with a way to contact God.
4. Are inspirational and teach us lessons.
5. Can be creative and present solutions to our problems.
6. Can be psychic and help us see into the future.

If you are a little more skeptical about the validity of the dream argument, Cayce proposed that our intuition is the vocal presentation of our guardian angel. The angel has no free will of its own, but serves only the will of God. During the day, when we are awake we experience our guardian angel through intuition, that small, still voice. The closer we are to our guardian angel and the greater the probability that we will act upon our intuition the closer we will come to God and to realizing our higher selves.

Christ Consciousness

In addition to Cayce’s unyielding stance that everyone regardless of income, educational level, race, age and sex has access to the divine energy, Cayce recommended that we find an ideal from which to aspire. For some it could be Christ, the Buddha, a Goddess, etc. Someone, Spirit, or Saint that embodies something that awakens deep perfect love, harmony and peace within you.

The more we think like, act like our ideal; we become our ideal. We no longer think or act in ways that will cause harm to us or others. This leads us to Cayce’s viewpoint on sin. Cayce presented that sin is something that causes its own punishment. One suffers when one sins. Not after death, but now. We can create our own hell right here on earth.

The fictional character, Yoda of the Star Wars movies, by George Lucas says: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” To follow one’s Christ Consciousness or Christ ideal is to use antidotes to counter the human ego. For instance replace fear with love; feelings of separation to your ideal with oneness; and feelings of isolation and loneliness by reaching out to your fellow man, and so on.

The Mask

Cayce put forth that the personality is nothing but a mask worn, a social convention used by man to appease, please and to look good in the eyes of others. This mask not only shields our true selves from others, it hides our true nature from ourselves. Cayce stressed the authenticity of the individual. He suggested that in channeling one’s higher self, the mask is discarded. We become more confident in expressing, living and being that which we truly are.

Once we peel away the mask, we will discover our unique soul. A soul or spirit that has the unlimited capacity, the infinite ability to love without stopping, to forgive without regrets, to create with without exhaustion or feeling burnout and to give from a bottomless reservoir of resources.

The Home is Where Heaven is

We’ve heard that a home is a man’s castle. An adjunct to Cayce’s belief that one could create one’s own heaven or hell here on earth right now, in this moment; Cayce maintained that our home is the model and our closest experience on earth to a heavenly home.

As outsiders peeking into the lives of our new president and his family, many have commented about the open affection, tenderness and love expressed in an unabashed even brazen way. One can only hope that these public snapshots are more than displays but represent realistic and an on-going documentary of ways in which we all might declare our love for our family.

Conclusion

So this week when we take the time to honor our past and current presidents we are strengthened by their courage. We may also see how Mr. Obama may have selected to live his life according to the motto embraced by Edgar Cayce himself, “Love is a law unto itself. It is a channel of miracles because it can transcend the law of cause and effect. It can break the rules.”

Dr. Mead, PhD, MBA, MA http://www.ishareknowledge.com/ is a consultant specializing in human behavior, school and social psychology. She can be contacted at: tonya@ishareknowledge.com

For additional reflections on Edgar Cayce, go to http://ishareknowledge.com/2008/02/09/the-wonderous-works-of-edgar-cayce.aspx